


Wooden Nickel Won’t Pay My Bill

by musiwrites



Category: Les Misérables - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Background Relationships, F/M, Fake Marriage, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, french canadians
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-14
Updated: 2017-09-13
Packaged: 2018-12-29 16:55:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,454
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12089313
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/musiwrites/pseuds/musiwrites
Summary: Éponine figures it's well past time she gets custody of her younger siblings. She gets a little legal advice from Courfeyrac's alarmingly hot lawyer friend and comes to the conclusion that all she needs is a fake husband, a diploma, and a steady job. Right. No problems, then.





	Wooden Nickel Won’t Pay My Bill

**Author's Note:**

> Everyone lives in Montréal because I'm biased as hell. Brace yourself for French Canadians.
> 
> I've included the two smallest Thénardiers in this story. Instead of two boys, there's now a boy and a girl: Félix and Eugénie.
> 
> Title is from Say You Will by Sly & the Family Stone ♥

"I'm fucked." Groans Éponine, throwing herself down onto her sofa with more than a small touch of dramatics. Grantaire sighs, bemused, from where he's comfortably sprawled across the armchair to the side of the sofa, the total sum of furnishings in the living room of her cramped apartment.  
"Come on, it can't actually be that bad-"  
"It can."  
"It won't be." He corrects, firm in his reassurance. "What did he actually say?" 

Éponine lets out a heavy sigh, scrubbing her hands over her face and digging the heels of her palms into her eyes. She'd come straight home from her meeting with Courf's lawyer friend, Combeferre, and hasn't actually laid out what she needs to do yet, but it already feels like she's explained it a thousand times for how relentlessly it's been circling around in her mind since she left. "Ponine." Grantaire gives a reassuring squeeze on her ankle. She realizes she's been silent a little too long for comfort and sits up a little straighter to look at him while she explains.

"Basically, that there's no way I'm getting the kids before the year is up." She sees his sympathetic wince and goes on before he gets the chance to ask what she means. "Even with the government assistance, I need a better job to support them, you know? If I can barely make ends meet now, there's no way I'm going to manage with four kid and they know that. Without my high school I don't have much shot of getting anything steady. He told me if I got my diploma they'd help find me a better job, but I don't have the time or money for that, you know?"  
Grantaire nods, a grimness settling into his features that wasn't there before. "I know. You don't want to leave the kids in the system too long." She sighs. She hates feeling this defeated. Hates knowing her siblings are being separated and god knows where they'll end up and what else might happen to them. All while she's sitting here, useless, as it's happening.  
"So that's it. No other options?" Éponine shakes her head in despair. "He said I might be able to get Gav and Azelma, they're both teenagers so they have a little more say in where they go, but I know them. Gav, especially, won't leave if Félix and Eugénie are still there." Grantaire tosses her a sad grin. "Too much like his big sister." It's a sweet sentiment, but at the moment it leaves a bitter taste on her tongue because she can't help but feel that that's exactly what she's doing right now, failing them as she is.

"What about your GED?" Grantaire asks after a moment. "You could get that, might help." Éponine scoffs. "Be real, Grantaire, we both know it's not going to look good enough for whatever kind of job they want me to get."  
"Come on. You know there's a way to work with it. I know you're going to hate this idea, but Marius and Cosette could always-"  
"Nope."  
"They've always got openings, and you know it's important, think about it?" He pleads. Éponine bites her lip, silence dragging out while she does her best to convince herself to give it more thorough thought.  
"Fuck," She bites out. "No. I can't do that. You get it, R." Grantaire nods. She thanks whatever saw fit to give her a friend like him. He's a mess, but so is she and she knows he isn't going to judge her for her limits.  
"What about Feuilly, I'm pretty sure he said the shop is looking for a secretary, or something?"  
"Actually... that's not a bad idea. I'll talk to him. But that still doesn't solve what to do right now, they only run the GED test a few times a year, and I need something that changes things right now. Something that's actually stable enough for the court to trust." She frets.

They're silent for a long time before Grantaire speaks.

"What if you were married?" She looks at him like he's stupid.  
"In what theoretical world am I going to find someone to marry me right away?"  
"This one. Me. We could get married." She stares at him like he's even stupider than she previously imagined. Maybe he's finally drunk away whatever remained of his senses.  
"What?"  
"Let's get married. Seriously, we're both on the fast track to dying alone, anyways, so it's not like there's much to lose. We can both still sleep around and with the combined income you- we can get a bigger place, provide for the kids."

"Okay, so putting aside what an astronomically bad idea that is on every other level, are you sure this would actually help my chances, over hurting them?" Grantaire has the decency to look mock affronted.  
"What the hell does that mean? You don't think I'm a responsible role model?" Éponine bursts out laughing.  
"Um, you're tanked before noon as often as you're not, and you drink your money faster than you can spend it. Not to mention all the whoring and fighting." Grantaire grins, unable to hold the expression of playful offense any longer.  
"I can clean up well enough, as long as they don't know me personally my name does me enough favours that it should be fine." Éponine throws her head back in disbelief.

"You can't be serious!"  
"As the grave." He promises.  
"This is a terrible idea," She emphasizes. "You do understand that, right? Like, you're basically offering to take in four kids right now. You get that? You know what you're doing right now?" Grantaire shrugs.  
"Not like I was doing much of value, anyways. Might as well help out." Éponine throws her hands up, baffled at Grantaire and even more so at herself because she's really considering this.

It's a terrible idea, she wasn't lying. There's no way this works out well. No way. It can't possibly, can it? No, that's ridiculous. But-

But. She thinks about the kids and she has to admit, there's really nothing she wouldn't do for them. No matter how monumentally stupid it may be.

"Fuck." She says, Graintaire's face breaks out in a frankly concerning grin. "Fuck. Fine. Yes, let's get married. My life is already a fucking mess, why not add this to the mix?" Grantaire throws his head back in laughter at her despair.  
"Come on now, this is a good thing. For real!" He exhales deeply before leaning over to grab her by the shoulders, tone and expression falling into something more sincere.  
"Seriously, Ép, we're gonna get you the kids, alright? This is going to work." She inhales sharply before pulling him in for a smothering hug. They stay there a long time.  
"Thank you, R. Seriously." He pushes away and she can already see the denials of thanks on the tip of his tongue before she grabs him by the arm with one hand and slaps the other over his mouth.  
"Shut the fuck up," There's mirth in his eyes when she says it, most likely because he wants to point out the fact that he hasn't actually spoken yet, she figures. "You're a good person and a great friend, whether you want to hear it or not, and you're just going to fucking have to accept that." He sighs against her hand but she can see colour rising to his cheeks at being forced to actually accept some praise, for once.

Eventually she releases him, and when she pulls away he's grinning.  
"Alright. So, we're going to do this." She grins right back at him. "Yep." She confirms. "How's tomorrow sound?"  
"Fucking great. You know what this means?" He waggles his eyebrows and she makes a noise of disgust. "Whatever that face means, no." Grantaire scoffs.  
"Get your mind out of the gutter." He admonishes as he reaches into his bag, lying haphazard by the coffee table. He rummages around a moment before making a triumphant noise and coming to toss himself onto the sofa with her, bottle of canadian club in hand.  
"A toast! To our upcoming nuptials and subsequent life of domestic bliss."  
She can't help rolling her eyes but takes the bottle from him once he cracks it open, swigging from it directly, much to Grantaire's delight.  
"Now," He grins. "That's more in the spirit of things."

They spend the evening getting delightfully drunk on her couch, and Éponine thinks in a strange, twisted kind of way, she really is pretty lucky. Her life sucks, sure as shit, but at least she's managed to find people to see her through it, but some miracle. There aren't many words for how grateful she is.

**Author's Note:**

> Find me [@musiwrites](https://twitter.com/musiwrites) on twitter. I haven't got much of a schedule for posting, but you're always welcome to send a tweet and tell me to get a move on. Whether or not it actually has any impact on my laziness is in the hands of fate.
> 
> I wrote this directly into the text box and posted it, before it had the chance to become just another draft, forgotten forever, so forgive me for the quality. I'm just here for the fun.


End file.
